I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of maths teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The maths professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead give-away.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.

rofl!

Lol, some really good ones in there xD That Abm cracked me up xD
What's the difference between your momma and the Titanic? We have a clue of how many ppl have been on the titanic.
For the next ones: Frizz, replace chavs by marrokanen
A chav and an indian guy are in a car. Who's driving? The police officer
Why can't you ever run over a chav on a bike? You could damage your bike!
Who invented the triatlon? The chavs: they go to the swimming pool by foot and return with your bike.
What's also funny are antijokes:
Waddayacall a black man flying an airplain?





A Pilot!

Or this one: A guy walks into a bar. ouch!  

--Last edited by Littlebird -UTA- on 2008-08-31 23:17:24 --

My favourite one at the moment, and I do have to fess up here cause I say it everyday is...

Someone; You alright?

Me; No, I'm half left!

Har-de-har

zomg lolz

A man gets told to report to his boss at work. The boss says to him, "Thanks for coming to see me. Contrary to all the rumours flying round, I don't just sit here all day firing people. I asked for you for a good reason. Anyway, i have good news and bad news for you, which do you want first?"
The man says "um, bad news, I guess."
"Alright. In a few moments, I am going to reach into this filing cabinet where I have hidden 2 assault rifles, a shotgun, and a homemade flamethrower. First, it's down to research, which I'll clear out with the rifles. Then, it's to healthcare, where all will burn in agony. I'll be sure to spare some fire for the ladies in the canteen too. Lastly, the executive offices. Every member of the board of directors will recieve a face full of buckshot, point-blank. No one in this building will be spared from my rage."
"Oh dear god!" The man says, "What's the good news?"
"You're fired. Pack your stuff and get out."